been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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