I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
