I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
