If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can't talk, ducks in the car
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
