Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
