: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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