Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
