you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left