New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it