Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species