that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home