Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today

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  (404): I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today http://tfl.nu/iz45
  Replies (31) Good night (5969) Bad night (2059)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

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  (586): My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/ww51
  Replies (22) Good night (8483) Bad night (783)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday

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  (701): Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday http://tfl.nu/rqca
  Replies (36) Good night (4600) Bad night (877)
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  (323): View more from California

  No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.

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  (323): No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested. http://tfl.nu/53oj
  Replies (6) Good night (5075) Bad night (837)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

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  (262): Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile. http://tfl.nu/y44t
  Replies (27) Good night (807) Bad night (7118)
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  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?

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  (44): Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash? http://tfl.nu/dolq
  Replies (34) Good night (4031) Bad night (1695)
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  (516): View more from New York

  This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me

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  (516): This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me http://tfl.nu/3xgn
  Replies (20) Good night (2174) Bad night (3832)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...

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  (225): Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM... http://tfl.nu/su1z
  Replies (5) Good night (2171) Bad night (729)
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  (516): View more from New York

  1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.

  (516): View more from New York

  By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.

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  (516): 1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model. (516): By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method. http://tfl.nu/fz41
  Replies (28) Good night (2501) Bad night (867)
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  (516): View more from New York

  What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?

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  (516): What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner? http://tfl.nu/aj21
  Replies (12) Good night (554) Bad night (1591)
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  (619): View more from California

  Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it

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  (619): Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it http://tfl.nu/st9u
  Replies (5) Good night (1123) Bad night (550)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.

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  (770): He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican. http://tfl.nu/lruh
  Replies (21) Good night (1214) Bad night (570)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!

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  (616): i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!! (1-616): BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!! http://tfl.nu/gsty
  Replies (2) Good night (597) Bad night (775)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  it is shots o' clock and I am never late

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  (713): it is shots o' clock and I am never late http://tfl.nu/psyc
  Replies (4) Good night (820) Bad night (298)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.

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  (661): I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera. http://tfl.nu/brbw
  Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (293)

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