Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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