I don't usually arrange sex via text message
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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