I CAN MOONWALK!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
