D3 body, D1 cock
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
