Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh god it's open bar.
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