Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
