Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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