if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
