I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Randomize
