My friends, they love my intelligence
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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