I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
