Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
