tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
