Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
