the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
