I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
