a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Someone shit on the floor
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
