listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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