FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
