Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
