what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
