So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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