Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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