The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
