I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
