i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
