i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
