I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
