I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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