just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
