I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
