I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
