The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
