And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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