Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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