Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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