Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
