I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
