so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
