If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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