We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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