her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
