His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
