he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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