i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
