Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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