Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
