i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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