Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize