Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
