i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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