should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
