Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
