Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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