In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
