Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
