There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
