She is in my trunk
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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