return my video game
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
