Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
