Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
