i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
