you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
