Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
