I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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