so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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