I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
